Hopes For A Hopeless Friendship

It's become known to me that my circle friend from junior high failed to survive. Usually, I'm okay with this friends-coming-and-going thing that has happened since I was in elementary school.

In elementary school, each level only has two classes. So, in 1st grade my friend was A, then in 2nd grade our teacher would divide us and I met a new friend B, with my old friendship sinking. Then in 3rd grade I would be separated from B and I'd be back with A. That kept happening through 6 years while I also gained more friends.

In junior high (7th until 9th grade), that sort of pattern wasn't in use. I made friends with K, J, L, R, P, and M. We were parted into two in the second semester. I was with J and R. In our 4th semester in junior high, J, R, P, M, A, and I formed a circle of friends again. This was my circle of friends until we graduated from junior high.

With them I felt something totally different. We knew each other well (especially me with R and J), we felt comfortable with each other, we don't feel the need to put on another face to adjust with, we are not embarrased to come up with our thoughts because we believed each of us knew us pretty well to expect a kind of thought from us.

However, in high school (R, J, M, P, and I were in one highschool), all of us started to separate, starting from J, who, now that I looked back, surprised me most. We started to become comfortable with our own classes, didn't (stupidly I didn't come up with this idea) find a time to catch up between our two (thirty-minutes each) recess, and started to forget about each other.

Then, for me, the pattern from elementary came back. I was still close friends with M, and was pretty good friends with P. But I totally lost contact with J and R.

One thing that made me sad about this was, I never found this strong feeling of comfort in any other circle of friends anymore. Yes, there are some fun people I met with. But there is no more that perfect friend who

her imperfection you can forget about

you can fall into silence with her and don't find it awkward

you can talk to about your opinions without feeling insecure or stupid

you can relate to

you have a huge common ground with

So, I guess, what I learn from this, is if you find a special friend, or a circle of friends that is special and different, don't let go of it. It's hard to find and it can change your world.

I went through a lot of bullying through my junior high years. Yet, I looked back and didn't find those years immensely annoying or traumatic, because I had those friends.

This September I'm gonna start yet another new part of my life. College years. I hope to find many, many friends. But, still, I hope I'll find a bestfriend.